How to cultivate a self-love mindset by Lili Sinclair-Williams
True self love comes from within. It is the ability to love and respect yourself regardless of what is going on in your life around you. When we truly love ourselves, we show the world the type of love we deserve from others. This creates healthy relationships and boundaries as well as an internal happiness that can be infectious to others around you.
No career accomplishment, financial gain or person will help you to achieve self-love. It is a mindset that must come from within. The good thing is, no matter where you are on your self-love journey, there are many things you can do to help you find that love on the inside, without changing anything externally. In this article, we will explain how.
Stop comparing – it has no purpose
As they say, comparison is the thief of joy – nothing good ever comes of it. Comparing yourself to others is far too easy, particularly in this age of social media. Everywhere we look it feels as though people living perfect lives with perfect bodies. It can take a hell of a lot of willpower to not succumb to comparison. Comparison, both online and offline, can make self love feel more difficult to access, however there are things you can do to keep it at bay. Plus, the more you shift to a self-love mindset, the less comparison can take hold of you.
If you are prone to comparing yourself to strangers online, unfollow or mute anyone who makes you feel less worthy. Fill your feeds with accounts that uplift you and help you on your self-love journey. Practise gratitude daily to help you recognise what you have in your life – this will also help you to reduce your need to compare your life to others.
Remember, everyone has their own struggles. What people show to the world might not be their reality internally. Do you put your own struggles or disappointments online? The answer for most would be no. Remember this to be true for everyone, not everything is perfect and that’s ok. We need both good and bad in life to truly help us to appreciate what matters to us.
Learn to appreciate failure
There has long been a stigma attached to failure, that it is bad and something to be avoided. This is simply not the case. Failure can be one of the greatest tools we have to help us learn and grow in life. Sure, in the immediate moment following failure, it can be difficult and upsetting, but these obstacles we face can become moments of growth. As Thomas Edison famously said when perfecting the lightbulb took him 10,000 attempts – “I have not failed, I just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
In order to cultivate a self-love mindset we have to embrace the learnings that failure brings to us. Don’t let fear of failure stop you from going after the things you want. Once you learn to embrace failure or mistakes, it can open you up to new, positive experiences that you otherwise might have avoided. To learn to love what failure might bring to you is to learn to love yourself, mistakes and all.
Practise positive self-talk
Begin each day with a self-love pep talk to your mind and to your body. Acknowledge all of the amazing moments your body has carried you through, express gratitude for all that you have experienced. Take a moment to thank your body for each tiny quirk that makes you, you. Start with some statements that ring true to you, even if you don’t quite believe them just yet. It’s important that they are in your language and that they are statements that you would like to believe to be true in the future.
Here are some examples to give you a starting point:
To your body - “Thank you for all that you do for me each day”
“I am so grateful for all that I am”
“I am worthy and accepting of all of the good things that come my way”
“I love and respect my body”
Each morning, try to recite these statements, out loud, in front of your mirror. As with negative thoughts and negative self-talk, what we say to ourselves regularly will become our truth. The more we tell ourselves something the more we will believe it. This positive self-talk will start to transform your mindset and your attitude surrounding your body and mind, and lead to a more compassionate way of being.
Question those negative thoughts
As with positive self-talk, what we tell ourselves becomes our truth. Our thoughts as just that… thoughts. Thoughts are different to beliefs or more importantly, truths; a belief is often deep rooted whereas a thought is more fleeting. We have the ability to question negative thoughts, to turn them into something more positive. Next time a negative thought pops into your head, question it. Challenge that thought and ask yourself where it might have come from and explain to yourself why it is untrue.
A good way to do this is to imagine yourself as a younger you. Visualise that younger, child version of you and think about how that negative thought might impact them – then think of what you would rather have him or her think and believe. Create a kind and encouraging narrative for that little person that would help them to blossom in that present moment.
Wherever you are on your self-love journey, try these simple techniques and notice how your mindset shifts. Self love is all about being compassionate, patient and kind and in today’s world, it’s needed more than ever.